Pigs DO fly!!

I'm happy to announce that after a 5 week sabbatical, Porter has decided that he'd like to be breast feed again! 

Sunday morning, like so many mornings over the past 5 weeks, I offered the ole boob and was shocked when he actually latched on and decided to have a fresh breakfast and not one pumped from the dreaded udder machine. I was so shocked that I didn't even want to breath from fear that he would realize that it wasn't a bottle. But, he didn't and kept right on feeding. He did it again at 11, again at 3 and let me feed him before bed! The same today-- I fed him this morning and again before bed!!! Woo hoo! It's a miracle! I'm on cloud nine. 💙💙💙

Top 10 lists

It has officially been 4 weeks since Mr. Pie decided that nursing is no longer for him. (Boo) I've accepted the fact that he's finished and have made VERY good friends with my pump. I plan to pump for 3 more months, until Porter turns 1 (!) and then at that point, switch over to cows milk and let Bessie take it from there.  I'm sad and this is not how I would have seen my future but I'm trying to find the silver lining...

Top 10 reasons why I have to tell myself that it's okay that I'm no longer breastfeeding:

10. I can have P feed himself allowing me to have more time to do stuff around the house.
9. I can wear a real bra! I went to Nordstrom's and took care of this last weekend- hello support!
8. I am no longer scared of being bit by two very sharp little bottom teeth.
7. Friends can now snuggle with P while he takes a bottle.
6. No more hiding baby under the ole hooter hider in public.
5. I can still pump and get P the good stuff from the boobie juice.
4. If he's hungry, I can feed him in the stroller while on a run. Can't do that with boobs!
3. This gives a whole new meaning to multitasking:
     pump and put on makeup
     pump and empty dishwasher
     pump and give P a bath
     pump and fold laundry
2. Daniel can have some baby bonding time that I've been lucky enough to have all this time.
And the very best and most awesome reason...
1.  I can sleep in!!!!! Saturday's are my days on P duty, and Daddy takes Sunday. Woo hoo!

Top 10 reasons why I hate that I no longer breastfeed:

 10. I HATE washing pump parts
9. I HATE cleaning bottles
8. I have to remember a bottle wherever I go.
7. I pump and pump and pump again all day, 7 days a week. 
6. I have to heat up a bottle for 2:45- this is an eternity when you are holding a crying baby!
5. I am not certain I can pump all he needs and may have to supplement with formula.
4. This is a shit ton of pumping and I'm only a month in. #nippletrauma
3.No more mommy and baby bonding time.
2.No more mommy and baby bonding time.
1.No more mommy and baby bonding time. I'm still so sad about this. Sniff sniff.

Wahhhhh!

Phew!  What a whirlwind the last few weeks have been...some of the hardest of my life as a mommy so far. Things are officially better and I'm reaching the light at the end of my tunnel--thank heavens!!

Ah, the ole' boobs. The source of nourishment for Porter over the past 8 1/2 months and the cause of so many tears over the past 16 days...

Back up to last last Friday- my third official day of school.  Porter wakes up at 6 am, and like every single morning for the past 240 or so days, I pluck him out of his crib, take a seat in my rocker, and prepare to have some quality mommy/baby time.  Only this time, Porter pushes away and starts to cry and cry.  And cry.  He wants nothing to do with me or my boobs.  Flash forward to today--16 days later.  He still wants nothing to do with them.  I immediately started looking for answers.  I talked to three lactation consultants, one doula and several mommy friends.  I have read countless articles on the internet, posted to Facebook mommy groups, and discussed with friends who don't even have kids.  Initially I suspected he was on a "nursing strike."  Basically, for some unknown reason Porter is refusing to nurse and will (hopefully) come back one day soon and nurse again (or, at least that's what "they" say).  Now, I'm not so sure. I'm continuing to pump breast milk and continue to offer him the boob, but with no luck, he's still not interested.

I am completely devastated.  Breastfeeding is something that a mom puts so much effort into.  She struggles to get a perfect latch when her baby is a newborn, she struggles with engorgement, excruciating nipple pain, pumping in the car, in bathrooms, feeding in the car, in museums, at restaurants, pumping enough milk when she goes back to work, washing pump parts, packing ice packs to store her milk, pumping enough milk to feed her baby when she's on vacation and pumping every two hours while on vacation to keep up her milk supply. She pumps during 1/2 of her planning time and 1/2 of her lunch time during work.  She takes crazy herbs and oils to up her milk supply, yells out in pain when her baby bites her with his two new teeth, and sacrifices wearing "real bras" for months and months and months.  She worries about leaking through her shirts while in public and carries around a pump bag to weddings, to nights out with friends and to BBQs. She pumps when dead tired, while trying to play with her baby and sometimes even in the middle of the night. She drives over the speed limit to get home because she knows that her baby is hungry and she wants to be able to feed him.  And she knows that every single minute of all this makes being able to breastfeed her  baby 100% worth it.  I wouldn't trade this time for anything.  And now, I fear, it may be over...

I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel.  I still try to nurse him and I'm pumping my head off to make milk for him to drink from his *stupid* bottles.  I suppose one day, if this continues, that I'll have to come to terms and know that this amazingly wonderful phase has come to an end but until then, I'll continue to hope.

Porter is growing and changing like crazy these days! He has had so many "firsts" the last few months that I have trouble remembering to write them down in his baby book. He's had a ton of firsts foods: cauliflower, biscuit, spaghetti squash, edamame, Korean food, bbq chicken, bacon, brown rice, garbanzo beans, yogurt, feta cheese...the list goes on and on and on.  Fortunately, this kid loves to eat and he'll eat everything we offer. He's also started scooting in the past few days.  We call him our little sea turtle, because that's just what he looks like while he's making his way across the floor.

He has learned to drink from a sippy cup all by himself, he can shake his head no, click his tongue, and finally knows his name.  He can mimic us when we make certain sounds, hates having his diaper changed, and is just starting to show signs of pulling up onto the coffee table.  He can say all sorts of syllables: mama, dada, yaya, nana, baba, and still proves to be the happiest baby on the block.  He sits perfectly on the ground and hardly every topples over backward, he can ride in a grocery cart and makes friends with everyone that stops to say hi in the aisles. Just today we were watching him in the monitor and he went from lying down to sitting up, just like that!  He is changing and becoming more fun every day.  Remember when he was newborn and I never ever wanted him to get bigger?  Well, I take that back.  Now, I want him to stay like this forever: mobile but not too mobile, cuddly, warm, soft and squishy and mama's little sponge. xo

As always, some of my recent faves...

P and Grammy

Jack-o-lantern smile

Say cheese!

This is his newest favorite place to sit- smiles the whole time!

Get in my belly!

We've hit that wonderful milestone in Porter's life where his days aren't just eat, poop, pee and sleep.  Now we play peek-a-boo, dance, sing, sit, laugh at doggies, look at geese, play with friends, poop REAL poop, smile for pictures, practice drinking from cups, scoot, roll, chew on everything, drool, look out the window and EAT!

I have to say, when he was a lifeless blob, it was so easy to load him in his car seat and take him anywhere. Boy, have things changed. I now have to remember to pack toys, diaper liners (to catch the real poop- no more un-smelly, watery poop- boo) bibs, and food, when we head out for the day.

Babies receive enough iron from their mothers in the last trimester of pregnancy to last them their first 4-6 months. About two weeks before Porter turned 6 months we introduced rice cereal and oatmeal that contains iron to make up for this new deficiency.  His first feeding was rather uneventful- he loved every bite of it and understood the concept of opening his mouth and swallowing this strange tasting stuff.

Things went so well for the first few nights that I decided to add in some veggies.  Because I'm off for the summer, I decided that I could make all his food.  I received a book on baby food recipes and I began with the basics: apples, bananas, pears, zucchini, carrots and avocado.  Porter loved all of them.  Nothing was spit out (in disgust) and he gladly opened his mouth for whatever I put on his spoon. I have started calling him "Baby Bird" because that's just what he looks like-spoon, open, swallow, spoon, open, swallow. I don't see myself going as far as chewing and spitting- like a real mama bird, but I always think of the video of Alicia Silverstone I saw of her doing this for her baby.  It's called a blender, sister.  Try it, it works just like your own teeth!

My freezer is now filled with tiny ice cubes of the following: pears, apples, strawberry, peach, plum, blueberry, apricot, broccoli, beets, peas, zucchini, carrots, sweet potato and spinach. I can't believe how easy it is to make and how it offers Baby Bird with so much variety.  I usually mix combinations of a couple of the cubes with some rice cereal and viola- breakfast or dinner is ready! I also bought a pack of the reusable pouch food containers and have been filling these for when we're on the go.  He understands the concept and sucks the food right out with a little squeeze help from mama.  I feel like I'm doing my part, environmentally, with all this food stuff.  No part of any of his food has touched the landfill, I compost the scraps and re-use the baggies to store the frozen food.  Keeping up with my environmental stewardship hasn't been as hard as I thought!

Along with pureed foods, I have been giving him little pieces of "real food" and trying to show him to bring the food to his mouth.  For several nights this was an unsuccessful venture and we ended up feeding all the little pieces into his mouth ourselves.  The other night however, something changed and after Daniel shoveled little puff after little puff into his mouth, he finally started doing it himself! It's amazing to witness your baby do something for the first time and realize what a milestone it is.  He simply picked one up and put it in his mouth and then did it again and again!  The next morning I caught it on video: 

He has now mastered feeding himself puffs, black beans, peas and small pieces of raspberry.  A friend asked me the other day what foods were his favorites. My response was, "yes."  There isn't anything that this kid doesn't like!  My little baby is growing up so fast.  I can't believe it's been a half a year already! 

That's right folks, nothing but cubes and breast milk to fill a mini-freezer!

Until next time...

~Mama Jess

Fifteen

Since becoming a mom, I now have 15 very close friends.
They are all kinda clingy.  Okay, really clingy.
Oddly enough they all have the same name.
"Pounds"
15 pounds, hanging on for dear life, the little bastards.

I know, I know, I just had a baby and I need to be patient...it took a year to put on 55 big ones, it'll take a year to take them off.  But I don't want to take a year- I want it to happen NOW! Not fitting into my clothes is terribly frustrating and seeing myself in a mirror and not seeing the typical "me" is hard, I'm not gunna lie.  I have jeans that I'd love to slide on and feel great.  But, there is no sliding going on here folks, there is squeezing and shimming and jumping and usually a few tears.

I decided that things need to change.  I am still breastfeeding, which makes dieting hard because I still need to pack on a certain number of calories in order for milk production, but I need to say bye bye to my 15 friends. Fast. So, I signed up for a Stroller Strides class.  This is a fitness class that meets every morning at Wash Park from 9:30 to 10:30 that is all about fitness with moms and their babies. We run around the park and stop at various locations and lunge, sit-up, plank, squat, sprint, jump, and use rubber tubing to strengthen every muscle in our body.  It's more of a workout I would ever do on my own. It's here that I have started to notice a difference in my health and my fitness and although I haven't stepped on a scale since we started, I feel better, and that's what's most important.

The best part is that I don't have to drop Porter off at a gym daycare.  We run there and walk home, which means he gets almost 2 hours of fresh air and I get to do it all with him.  It's fantastic.  I have also started to meet other mom friends who have babies his age.  It's been a great resource for comparing notes on rolling over, sitting up and eating solids.  I have coffee plans with a few next week and I'm really looking forward to it.

Plus, we get to see these cute things every day!
The video below is P checking out the geese.  He
was mesmerized...

You can tell we are a group of moms who don't give a hoot about what anyone thinks of us because near the end of class, when the babes are starting to lose it, we have to sing loud and sing often to keep them happy. I can't say that I'd ever lunged to the tune of The Itsy Bitsy Spider, or held a plank for the count of Twinkle Twinkle, but hey, if baby's happy, momma's happy!

As always, here are a few of my faves from the past few weeks.
XO
~Mama Jess

Fat guy in a little coat!

MOOOOOOOOO!

Ah pumping...the task that takes up my precious working minutes and makes me a prisoner in my classroom. The monotonous rhythm of the motor, the endless washing of parts, the sitting and praying that I make enough to replace a meal and the effort that it takes to pump several times a day, is a mother's love.  A lot of love.  I'm counting down to the last day of school for several reasons but one biggie on my list is 2 1/2 months of limited pumping and feeding my babe the old fashioned way.

One of the women who led the mom's group I attended told us that we may be able to produce more milk if (while pumping) we look at pictures of our babies and smell a piece of their clothing.  I often wonder if this helps my production or simply makes me look like an idiot as I sit in my rocker, sniffing my baby's hat and smile away at his cute little pictures on my phone.  Either way, it's a small part of my day that I get to spend with Porter.  I have about a million videos of him and I don't mind one bit watching them over and over and over again.

This actually  happened to me last month.  I pumped 12 ounces at
work and left the milk in my school bag overnight.
I about died when I found them Saturday morning, warm, spoiled
and unusable and had to dump them down the drain.
 I shed a tear over this. So sad. 

During these pumping, hat sniffing, video watching sessions, I often think back to the "olden days" and how much pumping must have sucked.  I plug myself into my hands free pumping bra (so attractive, let me tell you) and let electricity do all the work for me.  Back in the day, women had to do this by hand?! How awful! It's bad enough when I forget the hands free bra and have to hold the suck-cups but to actually have to work for it? Pure torture.

I'm not even sure how this thing worked,
but I'm glad I didn't have to use it!

I think pumping in my classroom is perhaps a bit more nerve wracking for me than it should be for a couple of reasons.  1. I have my own room, with one door and one lock that I'm in charge of- or so I thought. As it turns out, all office staff, librarians and custodians share the key to my locked door. My very first day back at school, I was milking away, in the privacy of my own room when my lock turned and my door opened.  In desperation and fear all I could manage to squeak out was, "What?! Wait!" The person behind the door must have heard the terror in my voice, shut it and never admitted themselves to me.  I am now extremely jumpy when any noise comes from the doorway.  I swear, my milk making production must be less than what it could because I sit under a receiving blanket and try to ease the butterflies in my stomach for the 20 or so minutes, praying no one walks in.

And 2.One day, after a pumping session I went to my door only to find that I had forgotten to lock it. Mind you,  I work with 11 year olds.  They are always forgetting jackets, lunches, soccer balls, notebooks, pencils and their extra PE shoes in our room.  By the grace of God, no one forgot anything during lunch, no one walked in to get their forgotten chips and no one saw me hooked up to my very large, very scary, milk sucking suction cups, sniffing a baby hat and pumping away.

Hands free bliss?! This chick obviously has never had anyone
walk in on her. 

I'm leaving Daniel and Porter alone for Memorial Day weekend.  My cousin, Stewart, is getting married in San Francisco and I'm meeting my cousins for a weekend of family, fun... and pumping.  Not having my baby with me means that I will have to pump.All. The. Time. I traveled last weekend with Audrey, who left Vivian at home and I saw my weekend flashing before my eyes.  She was constantly hooked up to her machine, hiding under her hooter-hider on the airplane, on the drive to Napa, before we left for dinner, during appetizers, after dinner, and during dessert...well, not quite that often, but it sure did feel like it! Ug, anything  for my baby, I suppose!

And it is for these reasons alone that I am counting the FIVE days left of school! God bless summer break!

My favorite time of day

My favorite part of my work week day is when Grammy sends me pictures of my baby.  I love how they each capture a part of his personality as well as bring a huge smile to my face.  I also love that I get to be a small part of their day and know that they are having a wonderful time together. 

His hands are always- I mean ALWAYS in his mouth!

If his hands aren't in his mouth, he is picking at his clothes and attempting to put them in his mouth. I love that belly so much!

This was taken before he learned to roll over from his back to his tummy, which he officially did for the first time last weekend.  He now wakes himself up in the middle of the night because he's on his tummy and can't roll back over! Trust me, it's middle of the night torture for us all.  We call can't wait until he realizes that sleeping on your tummy is much more comfortable than on your back!

I could look at him sleep all day.  He's so peaceful and beautiful.  It takes everything I have not to pick him up and snuggle his sleeping little body. 

Now that he has great head control, he loves his tummy time and he LOVES looking at his reflection in the mirror (he must take after me!).

Another one of my favorite parts of the day is when we are in the kitchen together before work.  He sits in his very masculine pink Bumbo chair and watches me cook an egg every morning.  It's these few minutes that we have alone every morning that I will miss when he is mobile and doesn't want to watch me cook.  We sing songs and laugh laugh laugh. 

Baby P just learned what his feet are and loves to play with them - who needs toys when you have 10 verrrryyy long toes to entertain you! Good thing sock season is almost over, these suckers hardly ever stay on anymore.

\

I mean, how cute is a naked baby?  It's even cute when he pees all over me, which happens quite often these days!

One more week of text message pictures of my baby boy and then SUMMER BREAK STARTS! I can't wait to have 2 1/2 months with my little man, we're going to have so much fun together!