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I lied, there was one more public event that I had to scam my way through before the big luau birthday celebration. Book Club... dun dun dun.
Book Club, for all of those who don't know, should really be called booze club, food club, loud girls club, drinking club, wine club- anything but book club. We pick a book each month and we sometimes give a show of hands to those who read the book, but we never, ever, ever talk about the book. We drink, we eat, we catch up and we drink more.
Book Club started out as a group of married and non-married girls and has now evolved into a ring wearing, wedding planning, pro-creating group of women who are very very good at picking up on maternal clues. If you aren't drinking at Book Club you are either 1. on a very strict diet (this is true of some of us every January Book Club) or 2. your are pregnant and 3. someone is probably going to ask you, publicly, why you are not drinking wine.
I was prepared for all of this. We bring our own wine glasses to Book Club and several months ago I picked out a pretty purple one that would never be mistaken with anyone else's. This was also the perfect glass to use when trying to look like you are drinking wine without really drinking wine. I bought a bottle of Sobe Green Tea at the grocery store specifically because it is the exact color of white wine and so I didn't have to get Meg drunk on double wine for the second time in one week. :) It worked like a charm! I snuck my way into Angela's bedroom every time I needed a re-fill, poured myself a full glass, snuck back out, lingered around the wine area after for a bit and then sat down to join the other drinkers. I couldn't believe I was able to pull this off so easily!
Around 9:00 pm most of the "drinkers" were feeling happy, warm and not afraid to talk about anything. Danielle, lovely Danielle, was sitting to my left and had already asked me earlier in the night if I was drinking wine. I reassured her I was sipping from the bottle she had brought and it was delicious. Later on she asked again, this time louder and with more doubt in her voice. I told her again, with more confidence that yes, it was wine and when she raised her eyebrows and asked again I insisted that she taste it. I assumed that she would taste it would and realize that she was now part of the big secret and reassure everyone else who was listening that yes, it was indeed wine. Four glasses of real wine and you forget that you have do anything, let alone try to keep secrets. She sipped and announced to the group that, "This is the most disgusting wine I have ever tasted! It tastes like spearmint! GROSS!! Let me taste it again." She was clearly not ready to be part of my secret.
Rebecca, whose bottle was the only open one on the counter, had now realized that her wine was the "gross" wine and insisted on also tasting it. At this point, Meg and I are dying, assuming that my entire cover is about to be blown. She took the glass from Rebecca who also agreed that it was the nastiest wine ever made and was insistent that we pour the bottle out. Meg tasted it and agreed (wink wink nudge nudge) that the wine wasn't good and poured the entire bottle down the drain (Becca, I owe you a bottle of white! We'll drink one together in 2014). During the commotion of the gross wine tasting it hit Danielle that this was not wine and she just about blew my cover. We whispered back and forth to each other and she now realized that she was part of the secret. Somehow Rebecca believed her wine was bad and in no way assumed that I was trying to pull the wool over everyone's eyes! It somehow worked, however next month Meg has agreed to let me pretend to drink red from a clear wine glass and drive her home at the end of the night. :)
~Mama Jess
